he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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