Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
