I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
