hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
