So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
