I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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