At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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