chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
