That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize