I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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