She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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