i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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