I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
