Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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