Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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