The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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