You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
