walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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