DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
