When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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