So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
