MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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