Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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