bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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