you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize