I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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