Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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