made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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