You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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