They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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