They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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