how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
