New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
