If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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