Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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