The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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