You smell like stripper and shame
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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