he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
