there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
