I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's never too late to be topless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
