he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
