It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
