Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
