I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
