Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
