There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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