She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
