i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize