How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
