smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
