Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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