There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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