woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
