But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
