can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
