You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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