so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
