i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
