That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
