If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
