I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize