did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
