this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
