I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
